My lovely wife has a theory that I think everyone needs to become familiar with, as follows:
After consuming a meal, the food that has entered your stomach, being of irregular shape, leaves unused space in your stomach. Ice cream eaten immediately following a meal melts and fills in those unused spaces, making for a more efficient use of stomach space. As you aren't using any more space in your stomach, the calories in the ice cream are considered null and void, having no effect on your overall calorie intake.
At peril of my life and with complete awareness of the unsmartness of it, I am going to disagree with my wife, and call the whole theory bogus! Bupkis! Insanity! It's this kind of thinking that has gotten us to such a sad state in this country! That's right--I'm talking about the obesity crisis. In contrast to my wife's theory, I would like to strongly urge Congress to take the following action to stem the tidal wave of obesity:
Each person in the country should be assigned an Individual Confectionery Restriction and Allotment Policy--ICRAP for short. Basically, everyone is allowed only a certain amount of sweets daily--a daily sweet eating cap, if you will. Anyone who eats more than their allotment will be subject to enormous fines and possible jail time. Of course, there are those who will constantly consume less than their ICRAP level, and so a system will be put in place where those people (including diabetics, really healthy people, anorexics, and lactose-intolerants) can trade their unused ICRAP to others who wish to consume more than their ICRAP for a set dollar amount.
This will immediately serve as an avenue to decrease the average demand or sweets, and create a new, healthy America. In addition, there will be great economic benefits. As demand for the sweets decreases, the prices will rise. And higher prices are much better for you, and for the sweet-making companies. They will also be able to pay their employees more because the higher prices mean they will make more money. It's a win-win-win-win-win-win-win...is that enough wins for you?...situation!
So support ICRAP, and support hope and change for America's future!
